Am I addicted to writing?
Yes, I am. I write everywhere I go. I write about everything. But I also write a whole lot of shit. See, I'm not that intelligent. I can't argue with the Etonians of this world. There are many things about which I know very little. And there are two totally unrelated topics - and yet, to me, they are related.
See, I like writing books. And I do write about what I know, or about what I think I know (in the case of researching stuff). I like writing dark, occasionally horrific stuff. I like writing about messed-up, middle-aged men, because that's what I am. And even if I'm not living the life of Rob Murgatroyd, Benjamin Beerenwinkel or Danny McIlvoy, I do know what makes them tick, and because I'm a writer with an imagination, I can kind of put myself in their heads and try to work out what they're doing. See, that's the thing. Write what you know. And many of the anecdotes in those particular books were based on things I'd either heard or done ...
So that's a lesson learnt. If you can't use your imagination to completely construct a new world or a situation (such as, in my case, "die Stunde X", or "For the Love of the Devil") then write about a man that could be you.
But here's the thing. I just bloody love writing. And writers are opinionated. We write opinions, and they're not always our own. So occasionally, I will write on somebody else's blog, or somebody else's Facebook, and I will comment, but invariably I find myself out of my depth, either because I'm not as intellectually aware as the people I'm talking to, or because I'm not actually in the "character". See, I don't know about rocket science, or economics, or brain surgery, because I haven't researched it, because I'm not writing a book. I can't get into that character, because it doesn't motivate me.
And trust me, I've got into character a few times. I became Rob Murgatroyd like you would not fucking believe. How can you know about those Internet gore videos unless you watch them? How can you write about being addicted to them unless you become addicted to them? How can you say what your lead character feels like when he's snorted coke or got utterly fucked off his face on alcohol (such as Benjamin Beerenwinkel did in "Besotted") unless you do it? You can't. Sometimes, you have to become the person you're writing about.
I'm writing about Saul Castle now. Saul Castle, he's an alcoholic. He's had a very tough life. Perhaps the only thing I can really relate to is his massive alcohol consumption and the fact that he spends a lot of time thinking about the bad things in his life.
See, what I like about writing about these tough characters is that I can get into their mindset without leading their lives. I didn't lose my wife and children in a horrific car crash like Rob Murgatroyd did, but I could write about him getting coked up and meeting some East End gangster whilst becoming addicted to Internet gore. I didn't get involved in a relationship with a woman who was being sexually, mentally and physically abused by her boyfriend, like Danny McIllvoy did, but I have felt as low as him because of women. And I didn't suffer from cancer or have some young, teenage girl become besotted with me, like Benjamin Beerenwinkel, but I have been (and still am) a struggling writer. Saul Castle, well, I can't even begin to tell you what he's been through, but I'm kind of walking in his shoes. Saul is a nice guy. When you read about Saul, be nice to him. Benjamin Beerenwinkel, he was an arsehole and, I dunno, maybe it's good that he's no longer around - but Saul? I think of Saul as being the part of me that's vulnerable to criticism, the part that has been deeply affected by all of the bad stuff that's happened. In a way, all of my characters, they're my children.
But back to the other part ... addicted to writing.
Lesson to self. Don't get involved in shit about economics or rocket science or generally shit that you know nothing about. At the end of the day, who cares?!
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