Being lazy is not good. I'm currently thinking up any old excuse to not write. Writing this blog post is one such excuse. Before that, it was the trolling I was doing on my Facebook page with regards the recent elections. Then it's typing up the handwritten draft of my current novel, "Maggie's Children". Then it's research. Then it's working on the screenplay for "Besotted". Then it's writing toxic poetry. Any old excuse to not write.
I'm at that stage with "Maggie's Children" where I was with "Besotted". I don't think it's good enough, I think the characters are shit, etc etc, but then people told me "Besotted" was a very good book, so I guess I may well just be suffering from self-doubt. I'm about 47,000 words into the book (having to estimate, because I haven't finished typing up what I've currently written)and it's about halfway through - well, perhaps it might just scrape past 85,000 words. "Besotted" was a behemoth of a book, almost 130,000 words long. I don't think "Maggie's Children" needs to be such a thick novel.
The thing is, writing this book is emotionally draining. Whilst I'm not "becoming" Saul Castle in the same way as I virtually became Benjamin Beerenwinkel, the subject matter is depressing. I'm hoping that, like some people's real depression, the mood will sink low, and then be followed by a euphoria as the book reaches its climax. Or will it? See, I haven't really got an ending for the book. Not yet. I know what's happened in Saul Castle's history, but I don't know what will happen to him in the future.
I guess I'll just have to wait and see.
Well, if I can stop being lazy ...
Sunday 25 May 2014
Tuesday 13 May 2014
Judgementalism
See, this is how it is. At the heart of it, my next book, "Maggie's Children", is about people being judgemental. It's about people forming opinions of others based upon the minimal amount of knowledge. I know that people will read it and form their own opinions. But what I'm trying to do is make Saul Castle, the lead character, such a nice, engaging person, that I'm hoping you, the reader, won't be shocked when "it all comes out".
Here's the thing. The majority of us, we are judgemental. We form our opinions on limited knowledge. We don't want to give people a chance. We'd rather base our opinions on what other people have told us, on what we've read. I've been a victim of judgementalism. I am a convicted drink driver. Worse than that, I was convicted for a second time. Now, anybody who knows me well will testify that I took my punishment with aplomb. I don't seek to attribute blame elsewhere, and the report of my absurd behaviour on that particular evening makes shocking reading, but even the police officers who arrested me accepted it because I was drunk. Alcohol does bad things to some people. But people have consistently judged me for what happened on that fateful night, late December 2011. I've kind of given up on arguing my case - it's a losing battle. And in the grand scheme of things, people who don't know me, do I care what they think of me? Not at all. I was a twat. My friends, my family even, will say that I was a twat (or something akin to that, if they don't swear). But to be honest, I'm kind of pissed off with people judging me. I had people saying, "You could've killed somebody." Yeah, but I didn't. And when a person is arrested for being drunk and disorderly and a little bit lairy in the town centre, nobody says to them, "Yeah, but you could've got into a fight and killed somebody." It's all relative. Call me a twat, call me a cunt even, but don't escalate my crime beyond what it was.
And then, back to my next book. There is a lot of judgementalism in there. And I'm not just talking about drinking and driving. It goes far deeper than that. When it comes out, read it, read about Saul Castle, read about what he goes through, and then think about that statement, which I'll have to paraphrase because, ho ho, I've had a couple of beers, but it's something about not judging a man unless you've walked a few miles in his shoes.
I'll leave you with that thought.
Here's the thing. The majority of us, we are judgemental. We form our opinions on limited knowledge. We don't want to give people a chance. We'd rather base our opinions on what other people have told us, on what we've read. I've been a victim of judgementalism. I am a convicted drink driver. Worse than that, I was convicted for a second time. Now, anybody who knows me well will testify that I took my punishment with aplomb. I don't seek to attribute blame elsewhere, and the report of my absurd behaviour on that particular evening makes shocking reading, but even the police officers who arrested me accepted it because I was drunk. Alcohol does bad things to some people. But people have consistently judged me for what happened on that fateful night, late December 2011. I've kind of given up on arguing my case - it's a losing battle. And in the grand scheme of things, people who don't know me, do I care what they think of me? Not at all. I was a twat. My friends, my family even, will say that I was a twat (or something akin to that, if they don't swear). But to be honest, I'm kind of pissed off with people judging me. I had people saying, "You could've killed somebody." Yeah, but I didn't. And when a person is arrested for being drunk and disorderly and a little bit lairy in the town centre, nobody says to them, "Yeah, but you could've got into a fight and killed somebody." It's all relative. Call me a twat, call me a cunt even, but don't escalate my crime beyond what it was.
And then, back to my next book. There is a lot of judgementalism in there. And I'm not just talking about drinking and driving. It goes far deeper than that. When it comes out, read it, read about Saul Castle, read about what he goes through, and then think about that statement, which I'll have to paraphrase because, ho ho, I've had a couple of beers, but it's something about not judging a man unless you've walked a few miles in his shoes.
I'll leave you with that thought.
Saturday 10 May 2014
For charity
Not sure how much it will be worth, but it will be for Macmillian Cancer Support, a charity close to my heart. But when I finish the first handwritten draft of "Maggie's Children", I will be auctioning it off for charity. It may well only raise a few quid, but what you will be getting (if you're the winning bidder) is the raw first draft of a book. You will be able to tell by my handwriting when I've been pissed (the handwriting gets bigger, the space between words larger). You will be able to see the juvenile writings before a book goes into edit. You will see the beer stains, the misspellings, the bad grammar, all of that stuff that occurs when a writer is "in the zone", just throwing the words and ideas onto the page. It is kind of like letting you know what it's like to be in the mind of a writer desperately trying to just throw those words down on the paper. Oh, I'm sorry - I think I repeated myself.
See, I'm not Stephen King, but I guarantee you that I sweat just as much as he does when he writes his first draft. I become the people in my books, even if it's only fleetingly. This first draft, I'm not prepared to give it up for a tenner, for twenty quid, for a pony even. This is worth more than that. This is a monkey, at least. Keep watching this space, and then when the first draft is finished, and you're bidding for it, know that it's an important document, and more than that, it's going to be important to the people who will benefit from it, from the money it will raise. This first draft deserves to go to a) a fan (that's a given) but also b) somebody who recognizes the importance of what their money will bring to people.
Keep fucking watching this space ...
See, I'm not Stephen King, but I guarantee you that I sweat just as much as he does when he writes his first draft. I become the people in my books, even if it's only fleetingly. This first draft, I'm not prepared to give it up for a tenner, for twenty quid, for a pony even. This is worth more than that. This is a monkey, at least. Keep watching this space, and then when the first draft is finished, and you're bidding for it, know that it's an important document, and more than that, it's going to be important to the people who will benefit from it, from the money it will raise. This first draft deserves to go to a) a fan (that's a given) but also b) somebody who recognizes the importance of what their money will bring to people.
Keep fucking watching this space ...
Wednesday 7 May 2014
The Frustration of a Writer
I get frustrated. And I'm not talking about sexual frustration. I'm talking about when it comes to writing. I have these ideas in my head, and I have to get them down in paper, but it takes so long. As I'm writing down the latest chapter, my mind is already fixated on the next chapter, desperately wanting to reach the climax. But as with sex, that could be like experiencing a premature ejaculation. Rush it, and it won't be so good. Yeah, yeah, I understand that. But I can only really begin to craft the story once the first draft is down on paper. Then I can caress and stroke it until it becomes something really special.
But I desperately want that first draft down on paper. Only then can I sit back and feel satisfied. Only then can the story leave my mind. See, at the moment, I think that "Maggie's Children" will be even more powerful than "Besotted". I want to get it out there, I want other people to read it, to talk to me about it, to tell me what they liked, what they didn't like (and sometimes, the things they don't like about my books, they can be a surprise - other times, getting them to not like a certain scene, a certain character, was a deliberate act). Oh there will be plenty of things in "Maggie's Children" that people won't like, but that's completely my intention. Transgressive fiction should leave a nasty taste in people's mouths every now and again.
But right now, I'm frustrated. Today, I've written perhaps 1,500 words. Not a fantastic day so far, but I'm sat at my desk, Moleskine notebook in front of me, my trusty Parker pen at the ready, and I know I will get at least a couple more chapters done before I switch off the light. But that's not enough. I set myself a target of getting this book finished by June, but I want the first draft finished by the middle of May. I'm not sure I'll achieve that, but I have to at least try - I have to try to get rid of this frustration. I know that once I put down my Parker for the last time, I will have this big, fuck-off smile on my face. I will achieved something special. I will have finished a book.
And "Maggie's Children" will blow away everyone who reads it.
But I desperately want that first draft down on paper. Only then can I sit back and feel satisfied. Only then can the story leave my mind. See, at the moment, I think that "Maggie's Children" will be even more powerful than "Besotted". I want to get it out there, I want other people to read it, to talk to me about it, to tell me what they liked, what they didn't like (and sometimes, the things they don't like about my books, they can be a surprise - other times, getting them to not like a certain scene, a certain character, was a deliberate act). Oh there will be plenty of things in "Maggie's Children" that people won't like, but that's completely my intention. Transgressive fiction should leave a nasty taste in people's mouths every now and again.
But right now, I'm frustrated. Today, I've written perhaps 1,500 words. Not a fantastic day so far, but I'm sat at my desk, Moleskine notebook in front of me, my trusty Parker pen at the ready, and I know I will get at least a couple more chapters done before I switch off the light. But that's not enough. I set myself a target of getting this book finished by June, but I want the first draft finished by the middle of May. I'm not sure I'll achieve that, but I have to at least try - I have to try to get rid of this frustration. I know that once I put down my Parker for the last time, I will have this big, fuck-off smile on my face. I will achieved something special. I will have finished a book.
And "Maggie's Children" will blow away everyone who reads it.
Monday 5 May 2014
From book to film ...
Working on too many things at the moment, but that's the way my mind works. Firstly, there's "Maggie's Children" and "nach Schema F", the two books I want to get finished in the next couple of months. I think it's good to set myself a target, and I think it's definitely achievable to have both of those books finished by the end of June - well, the first drafts, anyway.
But then there's "Besotted". Okay, so "Besotted", as a book, is finished. But I want to write "Besotted", the screenplay. I've never developed one of my books into a screenplay before. I'm not actually convinced that I can do it, but if nothing else it's a form of mental masturbation. For one thing, I reckon the finished screenplay will be way too long. I'm not convinced I can be objective enough to remove characters or scenes. I've also got to consider whether Benjamin Beerenwinkel should do a voice-over. I don't really like voice-overs in films. Film is a different medium to the written word, and voice-overs, I find, just seem to emphasize what the actor's expressions should be telling us. We cannot get into the mind of the character when we're watching a film, but that's a limitation that every great film has had to deal with. So far, I'm only on page 21 of the book, but that's been condensed down to 6 pages of script. That's six minutes of screen time. I reckon I could get the first draft down to perhaps 130 pages, but that's too long. Once the first draft is complete, it'll be time to get that big red pen out and hack away at unnecessary scenes or pieces of dialogue. And then, after that, it might need to be passed around to enthusiastic people prepared to offer feedback.
I've just got this feeling that "Besotted" is the one book I've written which is more accessible in film format. Oh yeah, "die Stunde X" would look awesome on screen, but that would cost millions to make. I reckon "Besotted" could be made for a few thousand. Some of you might already be aware that my alter-ego, Shaun Martin, makes films. I recently read an interview with director Matt Bloom, who basically said that any aspiring film-maker should make one film every month for two years, before attempting to make their "big film". His view is that in making those 24 films - which you should not show to anybody in the film industry - you will make lots of mistakes, but you will learn by them. He said after doing this you should not make another film until you can be a perfectionist. I think he's right. With every film that Shaun Martin has made, there have been mistakes - things forgotten, rules broken, days rushed, lack of budget. But I reckon by the time a decent enough budget is assembled so that "Besotted" can be filmed, he'll have made a few more shorts, and he will have learnt a lot from the mistakes he's made in the past.
But anyway, I'm rambling when I should be working. Just keep watching this space. I want my creative output to have been massive in 2014. Three books, a couple of short films (I don't reckon Shaun Martin will have the time to follow Matt Bloom's advice to the letter!) and the preparation laid for a fantastic 2015. What will 2015 bring? Well, let me be optimistic and ambitious - two feature films. "Besotted" and "In Amongst the Natives".
But then there's "Besotted". Okay, so "Besotted", as a book, is finished. But I want to write "Besotted", the screenplay. I've never developed one of my books into a screenplay before. I'm not actually convinced that I can do it, but if nothing else it's a form of mental masturbation. For one thing, I reckon the finished screenplay will be way too long. I'm not convinced I can be objective enough to remove characters or scenes. I've also got to consider whether Benjamin Beerenwinkel should do a voice-over. I don't really like voice-overs in films. Film is a different medium to the written word, and voice-overs, I find, just seem to emphasize what the actor's expressions should be telling us. We cannot get into the mind of the character when we're watching a film, but that's a limitation that every great film has had to deal with. So far, I'm only on page 21 of the book, but that's been condensed down to 6 pages of script. That's six minutes of screen time. I reckon I could get the first draft down to perhaps 130 pages, but that's too long. Once the first draft is complete, it'll be time to get that big red pen out and hack away at unnecessary scenes or pieces of dialogue. And then, after that, it might need to be passed around to enthusiastic people prepared to offer feedback.
I've just got this feeling that "Besotted" is the one book I've written which is more accessible in film format. Oh yeah, "die Stunde X" would look awesome on screen, but that would cost millions to make. I reckon "Besotted" could be made for a few thousand. Some of you might already be aware that my alter-ego, Shaun Martin, makes films. I recently read an interview with director Matt Bloom, who basically said that any aspiring film-maker should make one film every month for two years, before attempting to make their "big film". His view is that in making those 24 films - which you should not show to anybody in the film industry - you will make lots of mistakes, but you will learn by them. He said after doing this you should not make another film until you can be a perfectionist. I think he's right. With every film that Shaun Martin has made, there have been mistakes - things forgotten, rules broken, days rushed, lack of budget. But I reckon by the time a decent enough budget is assembled so that "Besotted" can be filmed, he'll have made a few more shorts, and he will have learnt a lot from the mistakes he's made in the past.
But anyway, I'm rambling when I should be working. Just keep watching this space. I want my creative output to have been massive in 2014. Three books, a couple of short films (I don't reckon Shaun Martin will have the time to follow Matt Bloom's advice to the letter!) and the preparation laid for a fantastic 2015. What will 2015 bring? Well, let me be optimistic and ambitious - two feature films. "Besotted" and "In Amongst the Natives".
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)