Twitter or Twatter

I've brushed upon this before, but I feel compelled to do it again.  Twitter.  Is it actually worth wasting time on?

I'm convinced that nobody on my Twitter list actually reads any of my tweets.  How can they?  My tweets must get lost amongst the myriad marketing tweets from other Indie writers and associated spam.  Yet we have to maintain a Twitter presence, being writers, in spite of the fact that we're limited to 140 characters.  Yeah, right, try to find a writer who can only write 140 characters ...

Tonight, I was trying desperately to find a reviewer for my latest book, Besotted.  But 98% of reviewers were looking for YA books to review and the remaining 2%, they were looking for YA books that didn't feature vampires or anything supernatural.  What the fuck has gone wrong with this world?  I'm presuming that adults still read books?  And yet everybody seems to have gone mad for YA fiction.  Indie writers seem to write nothing else, as though they think that by having one of their main characters a young werewolf and the other a teenage girl with parents who ignore her will make them a best selling writer.  It won't.  Of course it won't.

I'm not averse, totally, to reading YA fiction.  I read "The Book Thief" a few years ago when it first came out.  Some YA books can be compelling or otherwise intriguing.  But must the Kindle market be saturated with this kind of stuff?  To see a woman in her forties writing YA fiction, I don't know ... it just depresses me.  Clearly, they can write, but their imagination cannot stretch beyond adolescence?

Anyway, I'm doing what most writers do.  I'm digressing (hell, isn't that what editors are for?  To wipe out our digressions?).  Back to Twitter.

Here's the thing.  If Twitter was actually a network for people who were actually interested in what other people tweeted, then we'd probably all be able to sell a few more books.  See, if I see a book advertised and it's something I think I might like to read, I'll download it to my Kindle.  I'll even pay for it.  But on Twitter (unlike Facebook) there is no interaction with the people who tweet.  If you comment on their tweet, they never reply.

The problem with Twitter is that there is a lot of twaddle on there.  And writers, they don't have enough characters in a tweet to say what they need to say about their book.  And nobody can really see what other people have been saying about that writer's book, because everything is so disjointed and unconnected.

I've been getting some pretty good feedback about Besotted.  People have said it's the best book I've written, though it has a way to go to outsell "die Stunde X", my current bestseller.  But can I find a reviewer to give an honest review?  Can I hell.  Well, bollocks to it.  I'm not going to write YA fiction.  I'm not going to sell out.  But here's a thought.  If you're here, reading this blog post, and you haven't read Besotted, you need to ask yourself why.

It's only a couple of quid to download it.  That's less than a pint of beer or a large cappuccino from Starbucks or Costa.  Go on, go here, download it, read it, and then review it.  I love to find out what people think about my books, even if they don't like them.

A writer's retreat?

My good friend Dan Wagstaffe (fellow writer) recently informed me that he's going to take a week out of his life and rent a cottage in Laugharne, the place were Dylan Thomas used to get himself utterly wankered before writing.  His intention?  To be inspired to labour intensely on the book he's currently writing.

I'm jealous.  

Not so much because of the Dylan Thomas connection - I'm more of a Steinbeck/Bukowski sort of guy, and the work of Thomas has never done much for me - but because the notion of getting away from it all to concentrate solely on writing for a week sounds so appealing.

All last year, it was my intention to disappear with a backpack, a tent and a sleeping bag, and do some wild camping, away from modern life.  Write in longhand rather than type.  Pack 7 bottles of cheap vodka, loads of tuna and pasta, and just spend the time writing in complete solitude.  I never got around to doing it.  This year, 2014, I know that I definitely will.  Thing is, should I go wild camping, or should I do what Dan is doing and rent a cottage for a week?  I don't want any distractions.  No Internet, no television (not that I actually watch TV), not even any music.  Just the tools to write with.

I guess there are pros and cons with both ideas.  The main con with camping is that I'm liable to get lost or, I don't know, eaten by a werewolf?  But the biggest pro is that I'll only have to roll out of the tent to vomit up a bottle of vodka after a heavy session - roll out of the tent (bed) in a cottage and puke my guts up, and there's a massive cleaning bill the next day.  But with the cottage, I guess I could take my laptop (sans Internet), and I wouldn't have to type up my longhand manuscript afterwards.  Also, I won't have to shit in a plastic bag, and I can have a shower or a bath every night so I don't end up smelling like a dirty, skanky, manure arse.

2014, I want to write lots.  It's conceivable that I could get a lot done during a writer's retreat.

Or maybe I'd just get pissed every night and lie on my back looking up at the stars.

Things that stop me writing ...

When I'm in the zone, I can write up to 10,000 words a day, though generally I probably hit about 1,500 to 2,000.  On days when I write.  There are so many days, however, when I just can't write.  So what stops me from writing?

Like the majority of writers, I have a day job.  I only work part-time, but all the same, it's something I have to do in order to survive.  As one of my friends recently said, you can only get so far being a struggling artist.  At some point, you have to pay the electricity bill and the Internet bill, and you have to buy food etc etc.

My day job interferes with my creativity.  Generally, if I'm working the next day, I cannot get in the zone.  I can't concentrate or focus on writing.  The thing is, I can write in a busy Starbucks, I can write in a pub with all of that noise going on around me, I've even written when I've been travelling on a train (most recently when I travelled up to York to see good friend and fellow writer Dan Wagstaffe), but if I'm at work the next day, I don't have a hope in hell of being creative.  My day job is sometimes a night job.  I work irregular shifts, and invariably I'm at my place of work for 24 hours.  I can see - and it's more noticeable now, after the fact that I struggled to get my last book, "Besotted", written in over a year - that this job affects my creativity much more than a standard 9-5 job does.  When I worked 9-5, as soon as I left work for the day, my mind was already writing paragraphs.  

In reality, I need either a change of job, or else a bestselling book so I can concentrate on writing 24 hours a day.

But I guess as I haven't written a bestseller, I should adhere to that maxim, "Don't give up your day job ..."

About Besotted ...

You know, when I finished "Besotted" (and it took me almost 18 months to write), I was exhausted.  It was a tough book to write.  All who know me will know that I try to become the character I'm writing about.  In Benjamin Beerenwinkel's case, that meant losing myself in a blur of alcohol abuse (whilst at the same time retaining a sober clarity for my day job).  At the end, I went on a month-long period of sobriety.  I read "Besotted", and I liked it.  However, I've read in 9 times since, and I've cut bits out, hacked away with a red pen, and become frustrated with it.

That last time I read it, I became jaded.  I didn't like it.  I though it was boring, pretentious, self-indulgent (okay, I realize that I'm not really selling the book very well to you).  But the thing is, I was viewing it with the eye of somebody who'd read it 9 times, with the self-critical eye of the creator.  It's only when somebody totally independent reads it and passes their opinion that I know whether or not it was worth writing.

Today, there was a review on Amazon.  The only review.  And it was good.  I suspect the review was written by one of my small circle of loyal fans, but even those loyal fans have criticized my work in the past.  Comments such as, "It was okay, but definitely not your best", "You can tell it was rushed", "poor characters", these have all been leveled at me by fans.

But I learn from that criticism.

"Besotted" is not an action book.  It's not a thriller (though it does have its moments of excitement).  It's a character piece.  I want the reader to like Benjamin Beerenwinkel, to accept his flaws, to listen to his story the way you'd listen to a friend telling you something quite unbelievable.

But as Chuck Palahniuk said (and to paraphrase him, because I can't quite remember how he worded it), once you've finished a book and you've put it out there, you forget about it and move onto the next one.  Even if nobody else likes it, at least I know that one person enjoyed it.

If you've a mind to, take a look at the book on Amazon, and if you're tempted by the synopsis, buy yourself a copy.  Hey, this starving writer needs alcohol so he can finish his next book, "One Eight".

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Besotted-Shaun-Stafford-ebook/dp/B00I36DYKG/

That bloody Kindle thing ...

Here's the thing.  My next book, "Besotted", is complete.  I want it to get out there, into the public domain, to be read by somebody, anybody - just one person or a few hundred people, or a few thousand.  But there's that problem with the Kindle.

If you're a writer who uses Word, then you've probably come across the problem.  That infernal fucking extra line that they insert between paragraphs by default.  I mean, Christ, who fucking writes anything like that?  It looks disgusting on the page, and it looks even worse on a Kindle.  We're quite fucking capable of pressing the "Return" key an extra time if we want that extra line in between our paragraphs, but generally, we don't want an extra line between EVERY SINGLE FUCKING PARAGRAPH.

So, there's the thing.  No matter what I did, the Amazon Kindle conversion was inserting extra lines between paragraphs where I was certain none existed.  Two hours it took me to identify the problem.  It's one of those "But ... ah ... oh, I see," kind of things.  See, I inserted a document with the title page and all of that kind of stuff before the actual text of the book.  Lazily, I'd not turned off that "insert an extra line between every FUCKING paragraph" thing off in that particular document.  So when I inserted it into the start of my book text, somehow, behind the scenes, Microsoft Word saw fit to say that the entire document needed that extra line, even if it wasn't showing it.

Here's the solution - CTRL+A to highlight everything.  Right click on the page, go to "paragraph" and then put a tick in "don't insert an extra line" box.  And while you're at it, switch off the poxy widow/orphan control as well.

Fucking Kindle.  I ask yer ... I don't think Benjamin Beerenwinkel would have these problems!

Happy Birthday to me ...

Writer's are odd people.  Creative individuals whose minds never switch off.  I have a handful of writer friends, and without naming names, they are, each of them, mentally screwed up.  That's not a criticism.  Myself, I'm a manic depressive, which means that I can suffer from vast mood swings.  One of my writer friends is constantly down because he feels that life has passed him by.

Which brings me to this post.

Here I am, on the cusp of my 45th birthday, and I could sit here wondering what I've achieved.  What has been my purpose on Earth?  Oh Christ, let's be fair, do any of us need a purpose to exist on this planet?  We're all, each of us, just a bunch of cells waiting to die.  That's all we are.  What have I achieved?  Does it matter?  I have two fantastic sons.  I've published 7 books.  I make a modest living out of them.  I make films, I act, though neither of these bring in money.  Is money important?  Of course it isn't.  Indeed, when I see somebody driving a Land Rover which has been "Overfinch-ed", I think they're an utter cunt.  I don't respect them.  Why should I?  Who do I respect?  Some of my friends, for their achievements, most of which are far more admirable than the Overfinch-driving Wayne Rooney, who struggles to find two brain cells to rub together, but who kicks a football around a pitch for a week's salary that most nurses will take 10 years to earn.  My friends, the ones I respect, some are wealthy, but most are as poor as me.  But do women sleep with poor men?  Of course they do.  Though I've had my fair share of women who are interested only in money and status, most women I've met are interested in the person rather than the bank balance.

Sadly, I suppose I'm not really a person that women are interested in ...

And there's me on the cusp of my 45th birthday, single, but undoubtedly happy.  Why am I happy?  Because I enjoy writing and creating, and because I have to hand a number of individuals I'm proud to call friends.

Here's to my 45th, on Sunday.  Send me a birthday wish ...

Snobbery against Indie Writers

Let me get this out of the way right now.  I'm an Indie Writer.  I don't have a massive publishing company behind me.  But let's put that into perspective.

The majority of people with a major publishing company behind them - traditionally published writers - get a £2,000 advance, and that's it.  They still have to promote their own work because the major publishing company is too busy promoting Katie Price's latest piece of shit.  Their books sell for £9.99 in Waterstones.  That sounds great, doesn't it?  But they get 10% of the sales from those books, less after their agent has dug their greedy mitts into the royalties.  Less than 99p for each book sold.  And how many books do they sell?  The average first time writer sells between 400 and 1,000 copies of their book, most of those in their local bookshops, where people are intrigued by the notion that somebody who lives in their town has a book for sale in a bricks and mortar bookshop.  Many of them don't get a second book published by their mainstream publisher.

Compare that to an Indie writer.  I get 70% of the royalties from any Kindle sales.  Essentially, from my best seller, "die Stunde X", I get about £1.20 per copy sold.  I have to do my own promotions, sure, but I'm not really a great marketing person.  Have I sold between 400 and 1,000 copies of that book?  Well, yes, of course I have.  Lots of people have read "die Stunde X", which is a fantastic feeling for a writer.  My readers don't just live in my home town.  They live all over the UK, in the US, in Australia, even a handful in the wastelands of Europe, where they speak in foreign tongues.

Recently, I've had people who have denigrated me (and a host of other Indie writers) by implying that we're not published writers.  I.e., anybody can self-publish.  Yes, of course they can.  Anybody can write a pile of shit and put it on Amazon, but the chances are it's never going to sell particularly well.  But in any case, by definition, we're all published writers.  And I'm not giving 20% of my royalties to an agent, and having countless other people profit from my hard work.  And trust me, writing a novel is hard work.  "die Stunde X" was 120,000 words.  My current book, "Besotted", soon to be published, is also 120,000 words.  It's hard work to write something that long.  It's bold and daring to put something so personal as a novel you've written out for public inspection.  But it's downright insulting when people are such snobs that they won't read anything written by an Indie writer.  Typos in Indie books?  Of course there are.  Beta readers don't spot them all.  But conversely, I've spotted countless typos in books by Stephen King, by other mainstream writers, and you know what, I'm not so anal as to point them out in a book review.  Who cares about the odd typo?  Read the fucking book, for Christ's sake.  You're a member of the public who's probably never written a book.  You're supposed to be reading, not proof-reading.  I've even read books by mainstream writers which have read like books written by Indie writers.  Slightly unpolished.

But here's the thing.

Indie writers are the future.  I think it's something like 20% of books sold on the Kindle are written by Indie writers.  That's a big statistic.  So next time you fork out £14.99 for the latest J.K. Rowling overhyped and overly expensive book, spare a thought for the Indie writer, the person who writes from the heart, and who sells their work for a fraction of the price.  They don't have massive resources behind them, so you must forgive their typos, their occasionally flowery sentences.  You must realize that these writers are so enthusiastic about their work that sometimes when they've finished it, they just want people to read it.

That's what writing is all about - getting somebody to read your stuff.  As the reader, you should read it, enjoy it, and then when you've finished it, find another book to read.

So stop being a snob.  Instead of forking out £9.99 for Grisham's latest Kindle book, fork out £1.99 for five books by Indie writers.   You might discover something special.